I can't give enough to my good friend, Jennifer

Happy Shower Day, Jennifer!!!! I am so excited about my gifts, I am about to explode. I hope you enjoy everything.

(Disclaimer to those who don't know me........No, I'm not on drugs.....No, I don't have brain damage......and Yes, Jennifer expects this from me)



I stumbled upon a GREAT SALE and bought you tons of baby clothes. You will be so excited when you get them. I bought an entire black trash bag FULL. The lady assured me that 1 hour on a clothesline and all traces of cigarette smoke will be GONE from these clothes.




I also wanted to make sure you had your necessary supplies on hand for when the babies make their arrival. Here is a supply of "vitamins" you will need for months to come....Did I say months or years????




Knowing you are such a conscienscious person, these are for those rough nights when the babies are crying at all hours. You need to do what Oprah says and take care of YOURSELF first. They'll eventually stop.



I know how your image is very important to you. Just in case your uterus plays peek-a-boo under your clothes or you can't get those jeans buttoned, I have included some things to help you.






I picked up this uterus harness for you. I thought it was very cute but the neat thing was that it came in his and hers. I went ahead and picked one up for Don as well.




Keeping up with 3 can be a handful so I picked this up for you. I think there is room for everyone. Don't feel guilty using it whenever you need it. Remember, you have to look out for #1.




Discipline is key to raising good children. "Spare not the rod" is so true so I have purchased for you a Cat-of-nine tails because I know you want your children to be Christlike.




If they get really unruly and you start to feel out-of-control, I hired a nanny service to come over several days a week to help train your children until you get the hang of it. Pat is very excited about her upcoming trip to South Caroline.

One of the most beautiful things a mother can experience is breastfeeding. I bought you a new breastpump to help with your milk supply. Not pictured is the 178 oz. jar of udder cream that comes FREE with the pump.

Also, the crane should be delivering to you in the next few days a new nursing bra for when you are engorged.

Don't feel bad if the breastfeeding doesn't work. I had tremendous difficulty and felt so much condemnation. To ease this burden off of you, I have hired Sunglaafoolucoo to be your wet nurse. She has 60 years experience and has helped villages of women. Didn't Hillary teach us that? "It takes a village"

Also, you will have no time to keep your house clean so I have hired a maid service to send out Mike/Michelle (will answer to either name) to come once a week and clean for you.



At first glance you might think these are diapers for the babies. These are for you, Jennifer. I wanted to pick up a few things just for you to make you feel like a woman again.

I was on a roll and went ahead and hired kitchen help as well. LaFonda will be serving meals to you for the first 2 months you are home from the hospital. She comes highly recommended. Her menu for this month is......Chitlins.......Chitlins.......and well, more Chitlins. I promise you will get used to the smell.

This is one of my biggest disappointments. I hated to mention it to you. Denise loved the massage tech I sent her way so I wanted to bless you with the same. Earl comes highly recommended and does great pre- and postnatal massages. I tried to get him there but he wouldn't fit in the box so he had to stay behind. I'm so sorry! Don will have to take over in this department.

Speaking of Don, I know how those post-baby hormones are all over the place and you can be mighty grouchy at times. I didn't want to leave him out of this blessed time so I purchased this get-away for Max and Don for those rough days. Cletus should have it there by the time the baby arrives.

Now for the best gift of all............. I AM COMING TO SOUTH CAROLINA TO HELP YOU WITH THE BABIES FOR THREE MONTHS!!!! Yes, you heard me. I am on my way now so I should arrive sometime this evening. I have arranged childcare for my children and am coming to help you out and help with those babies. I know this is a big shock to you and you probably want to say things like, "Kristi, you really don't have to do that" and "No, we are really doing fine" and "Honestly, we have things under control" but I know those lines all too well. I am so looking forward to it as I'm sure you are. Maybe we can stay up late tonight and braid each other's hair????

(I will forward to you my list of dietary restrictions and diet preferences for the next several months. Also, did I mention that I prefer to sleep on a minimum of 400 thread-count sheets?)

OK, NOW IT IS TIME TO BE SERIOUS.....

I know this sounds like an excuse but your main gifts are coming as soon as you decide on names. I already had to throw away at least half a dozen baby items that were monogrammed with Kristopher and Kristine b/c I just knew you were going with that. I can't keep throwing money away so I am going to have to wait on you to give me a definite. I was on pins and needles with Denise when I thought she might change the name or go with Ashley instead of Jane since I already had something custom made for her. Anyway, gifts will be disclosed again in the coming weeks.

I also did get you a Target gift card for this shower that I will be mailing to you. I was going to buy a gift to display but I figured you could buy another item for what it would cost to ship from Texas. I hope you can buy some of those loose ends you need after all your showers are over.In all seriousness, I am thrilled for you, Don and Max. These babies are truly miracles and gifts from God. I know they were the "desires of your heart" for so long and I couldn't be happier for you. I know God has such great plans for these little lives as well as for your other little miracle, Big Brother Max. I love you dearly and am glad to call you my friend and now my Blog Sister.